Sixth, give your opponent a stake in the outcome by making sure they participate in the negotiation process. If your opponent doesn’t feel involved in the negotiation process, then they are unlikely to feel involved in its outcome. Conversely, if they feel that the process is in part their process, they are more likely to accept its conclusion. The more that the party is involved in the process; the more likely they are to be involved in and to support the outcome.

Seventh, make your proposals consistent with the principles and self—image of your opponent. Each side should try to make proposals that would be appealing to the other side. All the parties to a negotiation need to be able to reconcile the agreement with their principles and self—images. That is, they need to feel the final agreement doesn’t compromise their integrity. Proposals which are consistent with your opponent’s principles and which don’t undermine their self—images are more likely to be accepted. 

Understanding the other side’s perceptions will improve communication and enable a party to re—frame its proposal in way that makes it easier for the other side to say “yes”.

 People problems also often involve difficult emotions—fear, anger, distrust and anxiety for example. These emotions get intertwined with the substantive issues in the dispute and make both harder to deal with. People often react with fear or anger when they feel that their interests are threatened. The first step in dealing with emotions is to acknowledge them, and try to understand their source. The parties must acknowledge the fact that certain emotions are present, even when they don’t see those feelings as reasonable. Dismissing another’s feeling as unreasonable is likely to provoke an even more intense emotional response. The parties must allow the other side to express their emotions. They must not react emotionally to emotional outbursts. Symbolic gestures such as apologies or an expression of sympathy can help to defuse strong emotions.

Communication is the third main source of people problems. Negotiators may not be speaking to each other, but may simply grandstand for their respective constituencies. The parties may not be listening to each other, but may instead be planning their own responses. Even when the parties are speaking to each other and are listening, misunderstandings may occur. To combat these problems, the parties should employ active listening. The listeners should give the speaker their full attention, occasionally summarizing the speaker’s points to confirm their understanding. It is important to remember that understanding the other’s case doesn’t mean agreeing with it. Speakers should direct their speech toward the other parties and keep focused on what they are trying to communicate. Each side should avoid blaming or attacking the other, and should speak about themselves. Generally the best way to deal with people problems is to prevent them from arising. People problems are less likely to come up if the parties have a good relationship, and think of each other as partners in negotiation rather than adversaries.

On general, to separate people from problem, the crucial point is to understand the other party, control one’s own emotion and strengthen communication. We look for chances to correct our counterparts afterwards if their opinion is not right; we allow them to express their dissatisfaction if they feel upset and we find more chances to exchange our opinions if misunderstanding happens. By doing so we treat our counterpart as a cooperator sitting on the same boat sinking and floating together, and the course of negotiation as a process of achieving mutual success hand in hand.

1.1.1        Focusing on interests not positions

  Conflicts of interests bring people to negotiation table. Negotiation about interests means negotiating things that people really want and need, not what they say that they want or need, these are not the same. In negotiation, it is very often difficult to focus on interests since the interests of one party are frequently not clearly identified and expressed outwardly, and comparatively speaking positions are concrete and explicitly exposed to each other. One important task of negotiation is to overpass one’s position and to look for solutio

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